Thursday, October 5, 2006
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Questions? Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Project 440: Clean Water for Haiti
InterVarsity Alumni - New York
InterVarsity Alumni - New York Xanga
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Movies Directed By Mel Gibson's Father, Hutton Gibson:
by laurence hughes
Schindler's Laundry List
A German industrialist struggles to keep his dry cleaning from falling into Nazi hands, but doesn't fret about his Jewish employees because there is no Holocaust.
Don't Shoot the Pianist
A gifted young musician in Warsaw becomes a celebrated concert pianist. Fortunately his career is not interrupted by a Holocaust.
Long Life is Beautiful
A silly Italian waiter woos and wins a beautiful girl, and they have a son. The waiter proves to be a devoted husband and father. He proudly watches his son grow to manhood, then enjoys the blessings of grandchildren. They cherish every moment of their lives together because there is no Holocaust to prevent them from doing so.
The Diaries of Anne Frank
A woman records every intimate detail of her long, productive life in a personal journal, which runs to several volumes. Her account begins when she is a young girl in Amsterdam, where, by virtue of the fact that there is no Holocaust, she and her family live in spacious, comfortable surroundings. She falls in love, marries, becomes a successful writer, raises several children, and dies peacefully in her sleep at the age of 102.
Poor Judgment at Nuremberg
A war crimes tribunal convenes in Germany, but since there has been no Holocaust there is nothing for them to do. Court is adjourned and everyone goes to lunch.
"Nazis," the evil Master Race, attempt to annihilate "Jews" and other beings they deem "undesirable," in this wildly imaginative science fiction-fantasy tale set in a bizarre alternate universe.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
word of the day:
STROMO = Gay man who acts straight in response to metrosexuality
Tuesday, March 9, 2004
from american dance crazes that never became american dance crazes by ryan boudinot, mcsweeny's
"The Human Swastika," 1985
This regrettable song was among the more notable of the "shock rock" anthems singled out by Tipper Gore's Parents' Music Resource Center. Recorded by the Shamed, a virulently anti-Semitic Idaho-based hardcore band, the song and its shouted refrain predictably found no mainstream attention beyond those whose curiosity was piqued by the PMRC hearings of September 1985. Regrettably, many of the same moves in "The Human Swastika" were echoed in the Bangles' "Walk Like an Egyptian." Susanna Hoffs was in a few movies in the eighties.
Thursday, March 4, 2004
Keeping It Surreal: Seven of the odder forays by rappers into the mainstream
1991 // KRS-One joins R.E.M. for "Radio Song" on the album Out of Time.
1991 // Eazy-E attends a Republican Party fund-raiser in Washington D.C.; donates $2,500 to the party.
1991 // Ice-T plays a cop in New Jack City, the year before he releases the song "Cop Killer."
1993 // Queen Latifah makes her sitcom debut as a magazine editor in Living Single; plugs Honey Nut Cheerios.
1995 // After rapping I guess I need a TV show to get min / But I don't feel like kissin' no director's behind, LL Cool J debuts as an affable nanny on the sitcom In the House.
1997 // Auteur of the rage-filled Amerikkka's Most Wanted, Ice Cube starts in Anaconda, requiring innumerable Awww shit! reactions to the movie's eponymous, plainly CGI'd serpent.
1997 // At the MTV Video Music Awards, Busta Rhymes presents the Best Dance Video award with Martha Stewart.
~ GQ, march 2004, page 250
Wednesday, March 3, 2004
But for Stewart to sell would have been for her to admit that even though she's so accomplished, and even though as a former stock broker herself she was supposed to be a savvy investor, she'd made a big mistake. And it would have meant giving up on the possibility of the market snapping back and bailing her out of her big mistake.
~ justin lahart, "where martha went wrong" from cnn.com
For the first time, Morvillo conceded that Stewart received the Waksal sale information. He conceded it, and then he attacked the government's alleged "motive" by suggesting that there was no evidence that Martha Stewart thought she had done anything wrong by trading after she heard that Sam Waksal was selling.
~ "dispatches from the martha stewart trial" from slate.com
I know this isn't an insider trading trial, but come on! Something is amiss. As a former stock broker, martha would have to have taken the series 7 test. And in the course of passing that test, there is no way she could not have learned that trading on information such as the CEO of a company trying to dump his and his family's shares is illegal. Hell, most of us know that without taking any securities trading test. Does Morvilo really think we'll believe that a former stock broker and one of the most successful business women ever--herself a CEO, no less--does not know this very basic and foundational rule to the securities market? Something isn't adding up.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
For me, the Big vs. Alek battle was no contest (although I do love me some Mikhail Baryshnikov as well). The real question is, why did Carrie have to end up with anyone at all? For the six years of its run, the show's strength has been its clever inversion of Jane Austen's famous opening to Pride and Prejudice: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." Sex and the City asked, what about a single woman in possession of a good fortune, Manhattan real estate, and a seemingly unlimited cache of designer clothes? The four female protagonists lived out their six years of singlehood as a continual interrogation of Austen's "universal truth."
~ dana stevens, "little women in the city"
that's what i'm saying! why did she have to end up with anyone? it's antithetical to the entire premise of the show.
Thursday, February 5, 2004
The character in this drama with interesting motives isn't O'Neill but his more shadowy friend, Alan Greenspan. It's evident that Greenspan helped with the book ["The Price of Loyalty" by Ron Suskind]; his fingerprints are all over the thing. Why would the Fed chairman grant an interview, even off the record, to a journalist he knew to be armed and dangerous to the Bush White House? Surely, not out of a sense of loyalty to his old friend Paul O'Neill. If Greenspan had that gene, he wouldn't have lasted as long as he has.
~ michael lewis, "Did Greenspan Use O'Neill to Send Bush a Signal?"
Thursday, January 29, 2004
excerpt from an interview with www.shipoffools.com editor:
DOOR: How do you define satire?
JENKINS: Ship of Fools doesn't do much satire, actually, but because our humor is critical of church leaders and church life, people think of us as satirical. Real satire has a lot of cruelty in it, I think, whether it's the satire of Hogarth and Swift in the 18th century, which was fuelled by moral indignation at the evils happening at the time, or the TV satire of today, which doesn't seem to come from a moral center, but from a love of pulling things down. Our humor tends to be less cruel and more playful than satire, although I think there's room for sharpening ourselves up.
DOOR: How do you interpret Jesus's use of humor in his ministry?
JENKINS: Jesus's two main sources of jokes seemed to be centered around booze and camels.
Friday, January 23, 2004
TAMPA, United States (AFP) - The first nudist resort created primarily for Christians in the United States is due to open in Florida and its co-founder claims that he can provide passages in the Bible where nudity is prominently mentioned…. When Natura is completed, the 240-acre resort area will have 500 homes, a hotel, a water-slide park, and a non-denominational Christian church. Although nudity will be mandatory, attending church services will be clothing-optional for residents, according to Martin.
Followers of the Baptist, Catholic, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mennonites, and Quaker religions are some of the different Christian denominations who will call Natura home. "Fundamentalist Christians and the Southern Baptists may object to us, but I will meet with them anytime to talk about both Natura and nudity," said Martin. "It's funny that some Southern Baptists oppose us, because for about the first 500 years after the death of Christ, mass baptisms were done nude."
~ First Christianity-themed nudist resort to open in Florida
Rubin also disapproves of most of the economic forecasts offered up to investors by Wall Street firms, as they imply certainty where certainty is not possible. He sits on top of the world's largest seller of financial advice and he thinks, in short, that financial advice is mostly crap. How does someone capable of uttering the phrase ``intellectual honesty'' work for an enterprise whose constant chatter to its customers he regards as something of a sham? He doesn't say.
This must be what happens when you make such an art of measuring your words. You can't imagine speaking your mind before you've made some elaborate probabilistic calculation. You think: What practical purpose is served by my saying X or Y even if X or Y is true? It will only cause me trouble, bring me into conflict, cost me credibility, and serve no higher purpose other than, perhaps, the truth.
And he's right! Robert Rubin's caution will always serve him well -- and not just him. He will never embarrass his employers or alienate his allies, or nettle his enemies or frighten investors. The world's a better place for having him in it. At the same time, it is just a tiny bit discouraging to see such an acute and decent man so happily throw shackles on himself. Discretion may be the better part of valor, but it is not the only part.
~ michael lewis, "why doesn't rubin trust you with his thoughts", www.bloomberg.com
Thursday, January 22, 2004
If you love karaoke but hate the way you sound, steer clear of San Mateo, where the City Council on Tuesday night banned karaoke performances in private rooms. Worried about possible criminal activity that these private booths might bring to San Mateo, the council unanimously passed a 45-day emergency ban. The ban comes as Steven Lin, a restaurant owner, waited to get permits to operate four private karaoke rooms at his Fusia Lounge in the city. "I just want to run my business," Lin said. "Give me a chance."
~ charlie goodyear, "san mateo banning private room karaoke", www.sfgate.com.
first, no smoking, and now no karaoke. pretty soon there'll be no drinking and no talking, either. be careful, california. you're suppose to be the CrAzY state.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
here is a dance remix made out of dean's "concession" speech after losing iowa.
Drivers on state road 495 have seen the message for weeks: "Jesus saves ... at First Federal Bank of Arkansas." "Jesus" refers not to the man Christians call the messiah, but Jesús Gonzalez, a chicken factory worker from Mexico who moved to Little Rock two years ago. The bank, trying to attract minority clients, "employed a little humor," said the bank president in a statement. But it has become a lightning rod for criticism and confusion. "I thought they were saying Jesus Christ preferred that bank, and I thought, how do they know that?" says Barbara Chilton, 52, who switched to First Federal just to be safe.
~ more christian fun from www.larknews.com.
"Definitely banish caloried liquids from the ginormous Baja Fresh cup."
~ jjc's advice to a mutual friend on how to lose weight.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
In the summer of 1996, the Ford Motor Company began building the Expedition, its new, full-sized S.U.V., at the Michigan Truck Plant, in the Detroit suburb of Wayne. The Expedition was essentially the F-150 pickup truck with an extra set of doors and two more rows of seats-and the fact that it was a truck was critical. Cars have to meet stringent fuel-efficiency regulations. Trucks don't. The handling and suspension and braking of cars have to be built to the demanding standards of drivers and passengers. Trucks only have to handle like, well, trucks. Cars are built with what is called unit-body construction. To be light enough to meet fuel standards and safe enough to meet safety standards, they have expensive and elaborately engineered steel skeletons, with built-in crumple zones to absorb the impact of a crash. Making a truck is a lot more rudimentary. You build a rectangular steel frame. The engine gets bolted to the front. The seats get bolted to the middle. The body gets lowered over the top. The result is heavy and rigid and not particularly safe. But it's an awfully inexpensive way to build an automobile. Ford had planned to sell the Expedition for thirty-six thousand dollars, and its best estimate was that it could build one for twenty-four thousand-which, in the automotive industry, is a terrifically high profit margin. Sales, the company predicted, weren't going to be huge. After all, how many Americans could reasonably be expected to pay a twelve-thousand-dollar premium for what was essentially a dressed-up truck? But Ford executives decided that the Expedition would be a highly profitable niche product. They were half right. The "highly profitable" part turned out to be true. Yet, almost from the moment Ford's big new S.U.V.s rolled off the assembly line in Wayne, there was nothing "niche" about the Expedition.
According to Bradsher, internal industry market research concluded that S.U.V.s tend to be bought by people who are insecure, vain, self-centered, and self-absorbed, who are frequently nervous about their marriages, and who lack confidence in their driving skills. Ford's S.U.V. designers took their cues from seeing "fashionably dressed women wearing hiking boots or even work boots while walking through expensive malls." Toyota's top marketing executive in the United States, Bradsher writes, loves to tell the story of how at a focus group in Los Angeles "an elegant woman in the group said that she needed her full-sized Lexus LX 470 to drive up over the curb and onto lawns to park at large parties in Beverly Hills." One of Ford's senior marketing executives was even blunter: "The only time those S.U.V.s are going to be off-road is when they miss the driveway at 3 a.m."
...If consumers really wanted something that was big and heavy and comforting, they ought to buy minivans, since minivans, with their unit-body construction, do much better in accidents than S.U.V.s. (In a thirty-five-m.p.h. crash test, for instance, the driver of a Cadillac Escalade-the G.M. counterpart to the Lincoln Navigator-has a sixteen-per-cent chance of a life-threatening head injury, a twenty-per-cent chance of a life-threatening chest injury, and a thirty-five-per-cent chance of a leg injury. The same numbers in a Ford Windstar minivan-a vehicle engineered from the ground up, as opposed to simply being bolted onto a pickup-truck frame-are, respectively, two per cent, four per cent, and one per cent.)
~ malcolm gladwell, "big and bad: how the S.U.V. ran over automotive safety", the new yorker, p. 28, january 12, 2004. the article is also available here.
Friday, January 9, 2004
WHEATON — Reversing 30 years of policy, Wheaton College lifted its ban on dancing, drinking and tobacco usage, immediately sending the student body into a downward spiral of abject sin. The past month has seen a surge in out-of-wedlock pregnancies, drunkenness, petty theft, cigar-smoking and general vulgarity, all attributed to the newly watered-down Statement of Responsibilities.
~ from www.larknews.com, a christian satire newsletter, or, as they like to say, "a good source for christian news".
Friday, December 19, 2003
However, if you don't feel up to the task yourself—if you experience the dry-heaves each time you take to one knee, or perhaps suffer from Broca's aphasia—we'll send out a proxy to do the deed, to "Turn that Reluctant Lover into a Grateful Fiancée," as we like to say around the office. Our proxies are all gay males between the ages of 21 and 45, and are trained in the arts of diction and rhetoric. For an additional fee, the proxy can even wear a color copy of your face upon his own, to create the illusion in your beloved's mind that you were there, at least in somewhat pixilated spirit.
~ kevin m. hyde, "Making the Ask: A Brochure on How to Outsource Your Marriage Proposal", mcsweeny's, 12/19/03.
This year, however, the cycle was disrupted, if not destroyed entirely. Certain trends were declared both ascendant and passé simultaneously -- often in the same news article. As a result, the formerly linear lifespan of a trend, from hot to not, now resembles something closer to a Mobius strip.
The most notorious, and obsessively analyzed, example is the trucker hat: a baseball cap made of foam and plastic mesh, sporting a kitschy brand name or slogan. Chroniclers of this trend agree that a pivotal moment occurred in February, when the pop star Justin Timberlake was photographed wearing such a hat after the Grammy Awards. Soon after his appearance, though, style-conscious Weblogs posted sneering denunciations of the hats. Mainstream media outlets started alerting their readers to the hat's popularity, while simultaneously explaining that the trend was already on the wane.
Such was the confusion that Rolling Stone opened its ''Hot List 2003'' with a photo of a trucker hat -- then promptly declared the trend over. ''Hype and backlash are now the exact same thing,'' the author explained, citing the Hilton sisters (''the human equivalent of the trucker hat'') as a further example of this phenomenon.
~ adam sternbergh, "Instantly Passé Trend, The" new york times magazine.
courtesy of lakim40.
Saturday, December 13, 2003
~ is this right? the leader of the largest (nominally) communist regime ringing the opening bell at the new york stock exchange, possibly the one one icon most people would choose to symbolize and embody capitalism? or, as the economist puts is, the "leader of the chinese communist party firing the starting gun for the capitalist running dogs of wall street."
Thursday, December 11, 2003
One UC Berkeley student, who is not white, alleges he applied several times at the downtown and Stonestown A&F stores in San Francisco. Despite retail experience, he was told there were no positions. But several weeks after his first application, four white male friends applied and were hired immediately and scheduled for shifts. "A company can project whatever image it wants, but it can't use it as a cover for race discrimination," said Elaine Elinson of the Lawyers Committee for Civil Rights in San Francisco.
Abercrombie spokespeople have said on several occasions the retailer does not discriminate. It rejects the accusation that it is a racist company. One could argue that at least it isn't as blatantly racist as the national retailer who sold T-shirts last year depicting two Chinese laundrymen with the words, "Two Wongs can make it white."
Oh, wait. That was Abercrombie. Never mind.
~ joan ryan, "a&f's image problem: racism"
read this article on prayer, a la the onion, because some people really need to learn how to pray. turning "God", "Father", and "Lord" into a comma--definitely taking the Lord's name in vain.
Percentage by which the Defense Department proposed cutting its budget this year by closing its Peacekeeping Institute: 0.001
Ratio of the institute’s budget to the estimated price of Jennifer Lopez’s engagement ring: 3:4
Cotton-subsidy reparations proposed by four African countries at the WTO’s Cancún meeting this fall: $250,000,000
Amount by which federal subsidies to U.S. cotton farmers last crop-year exceeded 2001’s U.S. cotton sales: $300,000,000
~ from harper's index for november 2003
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Thursday, December 4, 2003
For more than a decade, I have been involved in my city's pagan community (Wicca to be precise). My husband is also Wiccan. I'm not some 20-year-old flake rebelling against her parents. I am educated, intelligent, and articulate, and I cameto Wicca in my 30s, spending these past years soul-searching and learning. After advice and support from my husband, my teachers, and members within the community, I have decided to leave behind my 15 years in the corporate rat race to begin spiritual mentoring and teaching, full time. My dilemma is this: Virtually everyone-except my business contacts, my parents, and sister-knows that I am a devoted pagan. Believe me, coming out of the "broom closet" is a one-way trip. I have never hidden the fact that I'm Wiccan, but I have also never advertised it. I'm worried about my parents' and sister's ability to cope with what they will see as a very sudden and "weird" change in my life. How do I tell them about my religious practices and my choice to go "public" without them trying to have me committed and deprogrammed? Seriously, can you help me?
dear prudence, www.slate.com
wow. i never knew people took that stuff seriously. you remember triumph the insult comic dog making fun of those star wars moviegoers? i guess we now know what they do the other 364 days of the year. i can see it now. this fall on bravo, the next new reality tv hit: "pagan hex for the religious sects", where a team of five really hip modern day druids show up at your church door to spice up the communion table with some new table covers, pentagram communion goblets, and...um...a tote bag? show off your pagan pride at the next PTA meeting with a pentagram tote bag! i'm sure that'll be a hit! and if it's not, kill them with the cyanide in your poison ring. all of this and more available at www.wicca.com!
Monday, November 24, 2003
Monday, October 27, 2003
'No matter how much Hauerwas talked about peace, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd want him on my side in a bar fight. He almost agrees: "First of all," he explains, "I describe myself as a pacifist because I'm obviously a violent son of a bitch. I hate the language of pacifism because it's so passive. If you are nonviolent, you'd better be ready for a lot of conflict."'
~ mark oppenheimer, "for god, not country", lingua franca, september 2001, vol. 11, no. 6. unfortunately, lingua franca has gone under, and the remains have been bought by the chronicle of higher education. the article, however, is available here.
Thursday, October 9, 2003
[in the format of an advice column]
Dear Mr. Blue,
My wife used to be a federal judge, and we were all terribly proud of her, and then, after ten years on the bench, she took a sabbatical to "explore her identity," and now she is a ballet rollerblader. She is fifty-one. She has resigned her judgeship so that she can go off to senior women's amateur tournaments all over the country and compete. She has never won anything above honorable mention. She used to have opinions on literature and politics and culture, but now she is totally dedicated to leaps and figure eights and the double axel. She is a full-figured gal, not a slender little thing, and I hate to see her humiliate herself skating around in a skimpy little skirt and blouse like a circus bear. Deep down I am losing respect for her. Why is she doing this?
At the End of My Rope
Your wife got tired of people being proud of her and decided she doesn't care if anybody stands up at her memorial service and talks about her legacy of public service or not, she would rather get some fun out of life. She enjoys blading. So she decided to blade. What don't you understand about this? I have devoted most of my adult life to writing stories, and now, in late middle age, I've washed up on a reef and can't write for shit. I must say that ballet rollerblading strikes me as entirely honorable and useful compared with what I'm doing now. Maybe you should dance in your wife's blades before you get down on her like this.
~ from an exerpt of "love me", a novel by garrison keillor, printed in the atlantic monthly.
"to be the victim of a victim does present quite unusual difficulties."
~edward said, in response to his being one of the most listened to voices for palestine in america, advocating justice for the dispossessed at the hands of israel.
Wednesday, October 8, 2003
To be overpaid you must get yourself classified as Talent -- even if what you really are is a dull-minded creature of habit performing a task as rudimentary as, say, ringing a bell. The casual comments of his board suggest that Grasso managed to do this. For instance, when the misguided controversy over Grasso's pay package first reared its ugly head, H. Carl McCall, the guy who now runs the compensation committee, explained that "you have to do what you can to retain good people."
Of course you do! Good people -- and really there are so few of us -- are the most precious of assets. And you never know. At any moment Richard Grasso could have been offered $250 million to ring the bell someplace else. And where would that have left the New York Stock Exchange?
~ michael lewis, "Richard Grasso Leaves a Selfless Gift to Us All", www.bloomberg.com
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
i can't even begin to imagine how many times this poor man has slept on the couch.
Saturday, September 13, 2003
in response to the southern baptist convention's rickshaw rally vacation bible school program, a horribly misguided attempt at multicultural education, mark wang has come up with a way for east asians southern baptists to similarly experience cultural diversity with their summer break bible dosage. go see it at www.markwang.com/vbs.
Saturday, September 13, 2003
NYT: What translation of the Bible did you use?
LW: We use the New Century Version. It translates the Bible thought for thought instead of word for word. The King James translation reads at a 12th-grade reading level. Most people in our country today do not read at that level. The New Century Version reads at a fifth-and-a-half-grade reading level, which is about the average where people can comprehend.
NYT: Can you provide us with an example of your efforts at translation?
LW: O.K. One of my favorites is Psalms 1:1. The King James says, ''Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.'' I learned it when I was 8. I'm a third-generation pastor's kid, and I didn't have a clue what it meant.
NYT: How do you prefer to translate that line?
LW: In the New Century Version, it says, ''Happy are those who don't listen to the wicked.''
NYT: But the King James Bible is a piece of imaginative literature on par with Shakespeare.
LW: It is Shakespearic! That's the problem. All those thous. I can honestly say my heart breaks because the church has made it so difficult for people to grasp the concepts of the Bible.
NYT: And yet you were able to grasp the concepts sufficiently to extract fashion tips from them.
~ deborah solomon, new york times, "fashion bible", questions for laurie whaley, about thomas nelson publishers' new bible "revolve" sold in the format of fashion magazines. and according to the cover, there really are "beauty secrets you've never heard before!"
Sunday, August 31, 2003
Kobayashi has won the last three Nathan's contests by double-digit dog margins, and defeating him has become something of a patriotic endeavor. America's best hope at the moment is Ed (Cookie) Jarvis, a real-estate agent who holds records for ice cream (1 gallon 9 ounces in 12 minutes), cannoli (21 in 6 minutes) and dumplings (91 in 8 minutes), among other foods. Six feet 6 inches and 409 pounds, the 37-year-old wears a denim jacket that lists all of his eating conquests on the back. When I called him recently, he said he "just happened" to be cooking up a vat of 10 hot dogs to use for a "10-dog sprint." He was going to eat them without the buns, however, because, as he said, "I'm on the Atkins."
~ chris ballard, 'that stomach is going to make you money someday', new york times.
Sunday, August 31, 2003
in the news at the onion:
King Latifah Returns for Wife
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
the southern baptist convention has started a very ignorant and possibly racist VBS program for next summer called "rickshaw rally". it's a confused melange of east asian stereotypes employed as a gimmick to entice children to learn more about God, nothing more than a sales device to make the bible more palatable to unsuspecting kiddies. what bamboo and stupid fonts have to do with jesus, salvation, or the doctrine of grace is beyond me, and as a christian i am both appalled and ashamed. see this incredible lapse in judgement at www.lifeway.com/yourvbs.
to express your displeasure for their well-intentioned yet colosal mistake, please contact:
LifeWay Church Resources
c/o Your VBS
One LifeWay Plaza
Nashville, TN 37234-0136
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
"given all the possibilities for human evolutionary change, it is hard to know which path our distant descendants will be constrained to tread. from a new york perspective, however, it is hard to ignore a certain foreboding: that under the joint power of sexual selection and fisher's gloomy prognosis we will become ever more beautiful and less acute. the future, in a word, is californian."
~ nicholas wade, the end of evolution?
Monday, August 25, 2003
"evidently, america can stake no greater claim to being a meritocracy than britain. this makes the triumphalism of its most successful citizen totally indefensible. america is a faux meritocracy in which abhorrent levels of inequality are justified by an appeal to a principle of social justice that, however sacred, has yet to be implemented. to use a baseball analogy, america's most successful citizens were born on third and they think they've hit a triple."
~ toby young, how to lose friends and alienate people.
not that i usually go to toby young for my socio-political commentary. i just thought that baseball analogy was kind of cute and clever.
Saturday, August 23, 2003
things that i've found since starting packing for my move:
2. $7.64 (including $2 in sacagawea coins)
3. missing black t-shirt
4. tree leaves (not mine)
5. checkbook (i probably shouldn't have let this go missing for almost a month)
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Monday, June 23, 2003
'Within a few years, the term [metrosexual] was picked up by British advertisers and newspapers. Along with terms like "PoMosexual," "just gay enough" and "flaming heterosexuals," the word metrosexual is now gaining currency among American marketers who are fumbling for a term to describe this new type of feminized man….
'Convinced that these open-minded young men hold the secrets of tomorrow's consumer trends, the advertising giant Euro RSCG, with 233 offices worldwide, wanted to better understand their buying habits. So in a private room at the Manhattan restaurant Eleven Madison Park recently, Mr. Martinson answered the marketers' questions and schmoozed with 11 like-minded straight guys who were into Diesel jeans, interior design, yoga and Mini Coopers, and who would never think of ordering a vodka tonic without specifying Grey Goose or Ketel One….
[joe: guilty. and I prefer grey goose.]
'The proliferation of metrosexuals is even having an impact in gay circles. Peter Paige, a gay actor who plays the character Emmett on the Showtime series "Queer as Folk," frequently complains in interviews that he's having a harder time than ever telling straight men from gays. "They're all low-slung jeans and working out with six packs and more hair product than I've ever used in my life, and they smell better than your mother on Easter," he said. Mr. Paige said there was at least one significant difference between hitting on metrosexuals and their less evolved predecessors. "Before, you used to get punched," he said. "Now it's all, 'Gee thanks, I'm straight but I'm really flattered.'"'
[joe: again, guilty.]
"metrosexuals come out", by warren st. john, new york times, june 22, 2003.
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Who will put an end to this nightmare [massacre in Congo]? Clearly it cannot be the UN, which can barely raise half its mandated complement of 8,000 peacekeepers, and spends almost half of its $600m annual budget just flying over Congo's vast, roadless forests. Nor can it be the Congolese government, which sent 600 policemen to Ituri ahead of the Ugandan withdrawal, only to see them sell their guns to the Lendu militia, and then take refuge themselves in the UN barracks. A little embarrassed, the government next sent its human-rights minister with a suitcase full of cash and orders to buy off all sides. Now, he is in the barracks too, being treated for hypertension.
"Waiting to be rescued", Economist.com, May 15, 2003.
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
The young man was asking a skeptical and increasingly impatient Mr. Baker whether it was wise for Iraq and Iran to have such similar names.
YOUNG MAN: Isn't there a real danger that someone give a message over the radio to one of them fighter pilots, saying, `Bomb Ira--' and the geezer doesn't heard it properly and bombs Iran instead of Iraq?
MR. [JAMES] BAKER: No danger.
YOUNG MAN: How does you make countries do stuff you want?
MR. BAKER: Well, the way you deal with countries on foreign policy issues . . . is you deal with carrots and sticks.
YOUNG MAN: But what country is gonna want carrots, even if it's like a million tons of carrots that you're giving over there--
MR. BAKER: Well, carrots--I'm not using the term literally. You might send foreign aid--money, money.
YOUNG MAN: Well, money's better than carrots. Even if a country love carrots and that is, like, their favorite national food, if they get given them--
MR. BAKER: Well, don't get hung up on carrots. That's just a figure of speech.
YOUNG MAN: So would you ever send carrots? You know, is there any situation--
MR. BAKER: No, no.
YOUNG MAN: What about if there was a famine?
MR. BAKER: Carrots, themselves? No.
~ interview between Ali G and James Baker, the former secretary of state. "is you wicked?" by maureen dowd.
Monday, April 28, 2003
Apparently Karen hasn't been giving Rosario enough spending cash to buy that new Members Only jacket she's been eyeing. 'Will & Grace' actress arrested on suspicion of theft.
Thursday, April 17, 2003
In the newly uncovered 86-minute prison flick, Saddam, then just 34, plays a naive young peasant who is wrongly convicted and sent to jail. He is initiated into homosexuality by a series of older and more experienced cons. "Saddam's acting in the picture is actually quite good," al-Sabah notes. "One scene, in which he buries his face in a pillow and cries, is so touching you almost can forget you're watching a low-budget sexploitation film."
~ saddam starred in gay porn films!
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
"The Welsh character is an interesting study," said Dr. Fagan. "I have often considered writing a little monograph on the subject, but I was afraid it might make me unpopular in the village. The ignorant speak of them as Celts, which is of course wholly erroneous. They are of pure Iberian stock--the aboriginal inhabitants of Europe who survive only in Portugal and the Basque district. Celts readily intermarry with their neighbors and absorb them. From the earliest times the Welsh have been looked upon as an unclean people. It is thus that they have preserved their racial integrity. Their sons and daughters rarely mate with humankind except their own blood relations. In Wales there was no need for legislation to prevent the conquering people from intermarrying with the conquered...."
~ evelyn waugh, decline and fall
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
"i knew we'd have to do tons and tons of costume changes during the show, or else drag queens across the world will be out there wondering, 'has she lost the will to live???'"
~ cher, at her farewell concert.
Saturday, April 05, 2003
Michael Kelly, 1957 - 2003
You will be missed.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Ridiculous conversation with dad:
DAD: So how have you been?
ME: Alright. I’ve had a stomachache for the last couple of days.
DAD: Really? Where does it hurt?
ME: Stomach. That’s why I said I had a stomachache.
DAD: I know, but where on the stomach.
ME: Like in the middle.
DAD: But where? Like is it above or below your nipple?
DAD: Does it hurt above or below your nipple?
ME: Uh, below.
DAD: Then you should get that checked out. If it hurts below the nipple, then something serious could be wrong.
ME: But every stomachache is below the nipple? Do you mean “bellybutton?”
DAD: I mean that thing in the middle of your stomach.
ME: You mean bellybutton.
'For Hong Kong's fashion watchers, masks are the new black. Enter Hong Kong's legendary entrepreneurial spirit. In a city as label-conscious as this, it is no surprise that masks in the colors of Louis Vuitton and Burberry have made an appearance.'
~ cnn article on the explosion of mask sales as a result of SARS
examples of other hip masks include:
Monday, March 31, 2003
"You know the world is off tilt when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest basketball player is Chinese, and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
~ Charles Barkley
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
"livin' la vida loca is a pretty catchy tune. that song was around for a while. that song was like the puerto rican whoop! there it is."
~ chris rock
Sunday, March 23, 2003
re: celine dion's "celine in las vegas: opening night live"
CBS is promoting this "special once in a lifetime event" by referring to celine as "the most astonishing singer of our time". this planet is crazy. not only do we have world war iii in the middle east; a mystery virus in asia; famine and hiv/aids in africa; france, germany, and russia all on the same side in europe; and a crazy man in a tractor in washington dc, but now celine is being touted as "the most astonishing singer of our time." repent, for the end is near.
#8 on www.business2.com's 101 dumbest moments in business in 2002:
In October, employees at a floundering car plant in Romania announce that they've arrived at a method to erase the company's $20 million debt: Donate their sperm and give the proceeds to their employer. One report estimates that each employee would have to, er, donate to the cause 400 times. "[Management] told us to come up with a solution," says a union spokesperson. "Now we've found one that even the best economists never thought of."
roommate's response upon hearing this solution to avert insolvency: "so...that'll take like a year, right? less?"
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
this is just weird:
"The story goes that a 20-pound carp about to be slaughtered and made into gefilte fish for Sabbath dinner began speaking in Hebrew, shouting apocalyptic warnings and claiming to be the troubled soul of a revered community elder who recently died. Many people here believe that it was God revealing himself that day to two fish cutters in the fish market, Zalmen Rosen, a 57-year-old Hasid with 11 children, and his co-worker Luis Nivelo, a 30-year-old Ecuadorean immigrant. Some people say the story is as credible as the Bible's account of the burning bush. Others compare it to a U.F.O. sighting. But the story rapidly spread around the world from this town about 30 miles northwest of Manhattan, first through word of mouth, then through the Jewish press."
~ "fish talks, town buzzes", new york times
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
listening to nas "i can" while driving....
I know I can (I know I can)
Be what I wanna be (be what I wanna be)
If I work hard at it (If I work hard it)
I'll be where I wanna be (I'll be where I wanna be)
Be, be, 'fore we came to this country
We were kings and queens, never porch monkeys
JQ: did he just say 'never poor chinese'?
JY: um...i think he said 'porch MONkeys.'
JQ: okay, so maybe i'm a little sensitive.
Friday, March 07, 2003
'Recent history offers plenty of examples of civil war, ethnic strife and genocidal violence, but none of them apparently suited the purposes of the folks who made "Tears of the Sun." Instead, the filmmakers chose to invent their own third-world conflict, and rather than follow the time-honored Hollywood tradition of confecting some wholly fictitious San Something-or-other or Whereverstan, they decided to plunge the actual nation of Nigeria into bloody chaos.... Unfortunately, the movie's real setting is a sentimental fantasy world, and its story is a spectacularly incoherent exercise in geopolitical wish fulfillment.'
~ a.o. scott, "americans atoning for african slaughters", new york times.
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
from my friend's public health lecture:
“everyone has fecal material on their hands. if you take a square of toilet paper and put it up to the light, you see that the fibers are about 20 microns apart. If you think about it, each fecal coliform is about 1.2 microns in diameter. therefore, even with the folding and layering of 3-4 squares, when you put them to your backside and mash that fecal puddy we call feces, you’re undoubtedly getting fecal coliforms on you hands.”
i'm sorry, but the term fecal puddy makes me giggle.
Monday, February 10, 2003
"Friends don't let shortwaisted friends wear hip-huggers."
~ Quinn Morgendorffer on Lawndale High's Fashion Club's motto, MTV's Daria. Damn, I miss that show.
Monday, February 03, 2003
i hate to be a cynical bastard, but i can't get past the fact that the columbia tragedy is little more than a glorified car accident. i don't want to belittle these deaths--because death is an awful thing--but people die everyday by much more inhumane and unnecessary means. the columbia explosion is sad, yes, but these astronauts are no more saints than the hungry children dying of malnutrition in africa everyday. and we sure as shit don't memorialize them, the thousands that die because instead of buying them bread and milk we use our billions to research why our flying tower of babel got too hot and caught fire on reentry. instead of creatively finding ways to get AZT and other retrovirus drugs across the atlantic, we perfect an unmanned plane capable of launching smart missiles from a few hundred feet at whoever it is we feel like assassinating.
maybe--just maybe--we rally around “national tragedies” because we need to create a pain to counter balance the numbness of our mundane life necessary to keep from hating ourselves. or maybe we really are the navel-gazing, imperialistic gluttons that the world thinks we are, incapable of imaging a world beyond Must See TV and the Cosmo sex quiz, too callused to even give a damn. how did we get here? where are we going? where have we been?
boy, this generation needs a hero.
Thursday, January 30, 2003
you know you're in new york when:
your doorman is russian, your grocer is korean, your deli man is israeli, your building super is italian, your laundry guy is chinese, your favorite bartender is irish, your favorite diner owner is greek, the watch seller on your corner is senegalese, your last cabbie was pakistani, your newsstand guy is indian and your favorite falafel guy is egyptian.
~ NYT forum
God bless america!