Thursday, October 31, 2002
the FBI has reported that there is a 3rd sniper still on the loose. take a look at this picture, and please report to your local authorities if you have seen this man. (thanks for the tip, bert.)
jam master jay is dead. just when you think this world is as nasty, mean, and violent as it can get, it never fails to turn around and slap you with another reason to think even less of humankind.
have you ever heard of a professor being asked to step down in the middle of a semester for being a bad lecturer? here is a story about a harvard econ lecturer that has to take a three week break to polish up his teaching skills. he's the same guy that teaches my continuing education econ class. unfortunately, we don't have the clout to ask for a better teacher. Tuesday, October 29, 2002
'Louis Rukeyser, for instance. The host of "Louis Rukeyser's Wall Street'' has made a fantastically good living for going on 30 years by ridiculing bearishness in all its forms, and celebrating bullishness in most of its forms. Even in this darkest of stock market moments, Rukeyser has defied, with Dracula-like determination, public television's attempts to kill him off. As the Dow plunges, he continues to be watched and taken seriously, if not on Wall Street then at least in West Palm Beach.' ~ michael lewis on the maltreatment of bearish financial pundits in the financial press and among the investing public at large Monday, October 28, 2002
currently, i'm the 41st site to show up when you google "men flip flops". one day, God willing, i'll break the top ten. it's good to have a purpose in life. Saturday, October 26, 2002
"But is it worth it? I'm not delegitimizing the pain. I'm not delegitimizing Jesus's suffering, but wasn't it worth it? Because after the suffering comes the resurrection power!" ~ warren chiang on the merits of women enduring the pain of losing their virginity (after marriage, of course). james beat me to it, but it was too good not to post again.
" I apppear to by lying at the bottom of a very deep dark hole. That seems to be a familiar concept, what does it remind me of? Ah, I remember - life!" ~ marvin (the paranoid android), Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy
check out the the bible curse generator. my favorite random curse generated thus far is "May you be captured by Midianite maniacs, O ye plaything of Beelzebub!" Thursday, October 24, 2002
'''Morgan Quitno Press'' declared that the Safest State -- also for six years in a row -- was North Dakota. This makes more sense. You're not going to have a lot of crime in an area with essentially the same population density as Jupiter. Even if you TRY to commit a robbery in North Dakota, the victim will be so happy to have human companionship that he or she will invite you home for traditional North Dakota cuisine (Pork 'n' Marshmallow Jell-O Casserole Surprise). 'But ''Morgan Quitno Press'' is way off base with its state intelligence rankings. The problem is that the ranking system is based on each state's public-education system -- class size, test scores, etc. This does NOT determine state intelligence. It only determines STUDENT intelligence, and there are certain states (you know who you are) where the first thing that the intelligent students say when they graduate is: "I'm getting OUT of this armpit!''' ~ dave berry, "stating your case for the stupidest state", on the morgan quitno press and the shortcomings of the 2002 smartest state award. the second paragraph above insightfully explains how new jersey is ranked the 4th smartest state. i mean, come on, it is the armpit of a state that everyone wants to get out of. Wednesday, October 23, 2002
“There is "Cops" and "Real World" and "Survivor." There are confessional tell-all my-father-molested-me books and tawdry autobiographies and a great many dumb people doing a great many dumb prosaic things on national television for our amusement so we can say hey, I do that very same thing in my own house, sort of, though not quite as moronically, to my own boyfriend, on my own dog, in my own bathtub, though not usually on film, thank God, which is why I have cable. "And, naturally, now there is Reality Music." ~ mark morford, "Eminem Really, Really Hates His Mom: On the perky pop phenom of calling your mother a bitch over and over again in a hit song", www.sfgate.com i love that title.
"In some ways, I envy Amanda -- she is eager to go out there and tell the world, "Bonjour, I have a boyfriend," and follow it up with a zillion exclamation marks. In other ways, Amanda makes me nauseated. Witnessing Public Displays of Affection, as the technical term goes, is perhaps one of the most uncomfortable situations one might ever find oneself in. Everyone has been there -- the third wheel with a particularly, ahem, demonstrative, couple, when all of a sudden they are sucking face like a pair of dirt devils and you are left to contemplate life's great mysteries -- the length of your cuticles, cloud formations, or why the cheese stands alone in that song. "The general population had some harsh things to say about the big, bad PDA. "Everyone, of course, except for one guy. When I asked him how he felt about PDAs, he answered, "Personal Digital Assistants? I can't live without mine!" "Kill yourself. No really, do it." ~ natalie krinsky, "you might be swapping spit in front of me--", yale daily news for those in on the conversation, this guy is not a geek. this delves deep into the realm of nerd. Tuesday, October 22, 2002
check out the trailer to the new jerry seinfeld move, comedian. requires quicktime. and i know some of you have always dreamed of hosting family feud, but this e! true hollywood story wants you to just say no. poor richard karn. i guess this means ol' Al Borland is going to get divorced, file for bankruptcy, and bum drinking money off of Tim Allen until they make a true hollywood story about him. Thursday, October 17, 2002
to add to the "swept away" bashing that henry started, here are a few more reviews of the movie: "New ways of describing badness need to be invented to describe exactly how bad it is." ~ john anderson, newsday "Swept Away's worst crime is that it is butt-numbingly B-O-R-I-N-G." ~ megan turner, new york post "Madonna has made herself over so often now, there's apparently nothing left to work with, sort of like Michael Jackson's nose." ~ brandon judell, popcorn q "Guy Ritchie’s remake of Lina Wertmuller’s 1974 Swept Away festers in just such a dungpile that you’d swear you were watching monkeys flinging their feces at you." ~ erik childress, efilmcritic.com (that last one was my personal favorite.) Wednesday, October 16, 2002
samples from r father n hvn, a book of bible text messages: "Hpy RU por; da kngdm is yrs! Hpy RU hngry; U wl Bfild! Hpy RU sad; u wl lol! Hpy RU whn ppl h8 U Bcos of da Lrd! B gld&dnce 4jy Bcos a gt prz is kpt 4U in hvn." ~ luke 6: 20-23 "Nthing can sepR8 uz frm Gds lv. Dth cant & lfe cant, angls cant & dmns cant. Worries 4 2day & 2mrO cant - evn da powZ of hll cant kp hz love away." ~ romans 8:38-39 ...and the text message for the shortest verse in the bible: "j:.(" ~ john 11:35
But here in Boston, a city which prides itself on its authenticity, fake authenticity has long since won the day. Through a process which America's favorite columnist Slotcar Hatebath (misappropriating the term from the museum world) calls "authentication," everything here in the Hub of the Universe which was actually old has been made Olde instead; historical façades and interiors have been restored not to how they used to look, but to how (city planners imagine) tourists want them to look; every incident of (family-friendly) historical importance which has ever transpired within city limits is now re-enacted in an entirely Disneyfied manner. Even the 19th century brewery building (now owned by the company which invented Samuel Adams beer, itself an excellent example of fake authenticity) in which this publication is headquartered trembles on the verge of authentication. No doubt we will soon be forced out, to make way for fake-authenticity-seeking suburbanites who want "artist condos" in an historical building where someone else's ancestors once roasted hops. (Luckily, we have a money-making scheme in the works. All I can say right now is: Pre-Off-Roaded SUVs. Beaten with chains and tumbled around in a gigantic clothes dryer. Beep me, babe, I'll fedex you the prospectus.) Boston is not a "museum," as hipness-deprived college students, transplanted New Yorkers, and ex-suburbanites complain-because museums are supposed to preserve the past. Instead, this city has become a simulacrum of itself, a gift shop(pe) writ large. --joshua glenn, fake authenticity: an introduction, www.hermenaut.com Saturday, October 12, 2002
and thanks to the people at Rapture Ready, we have access to useful tools, such as the Rapture Index, which, according to the website, "has two functions: one is to factor together a number of related end time components into a cohesive indicator, and the other is to standardize those components to eliminate the wide variance that currently exists with prophecy reporting.... You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity, but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer. The higher the number, the faster we're moving towards the occurrence of pre-tribulation rapture."
someone wanted the link to my nose surgery pictures. n.b. i did not get a nose job. this was to fix a deviated septum. Friday, October 11, 2002
'At some point in the last few decades, the American male sat down at the negotiating table with the American female and—let us be frank—got fleeced. The agreement he signed foisted all sorts of new paternal responsibilities on him and gave him nothing of what he might have expected in return. Not the greater love of his wife, who now was encouraged to view him as an unreliable employee. Not the special love from his child, who, no matter how many times he fed and changed and wiped and walked her, would always prefer her mother in a pinch. Not even the admiration of the body politic, who pushed him into signing the deal. Women may smile at a man pushing a baby stroller, but it is with the gentle condescension of a high officer of an army of a village that surrendered without a fight. Men just look away in shame. And so the American father now finds himself in roughly the same position as Gorbachev after the fall of the Berlin Wall. Having shocked the world by doing the decent thing and ceding power without bloodshed for the sake of principle, he is viewed mainly with disdain. The world looks at him schlepping and fetching and sagging and moaning beneath his new burdens and thinks: OH ... YOU ... POOR ... BASTARD.' --classic michael lewis, "paris chicken pox", www.slate.com
is the DC/VA sniper forming the shape of a celtic cross? check out this village voice article. if he's willing to drop the tarot card of death, a rider on a white horse (or truck), maybe he's crazy enough to draw pretty pictures. like the Fight Club wanna be kid trying to draw a smiley face on the map of the USA with his pipe bombs.
caption to a picture of the Friends cast in this slate.com article: "Surprise: Good-looking people sleeping together sells ads". Wednesday, October 09, 2002
'There was the pro-life vegetarian Buddhist Republican who wanted to find somebody to discuss the virtues of George W. Bush with over a bowl of dal. An interracial couple, political conservatives and converts to Eastern Orthodoxy, wrote to say they loved shaking up the prejudices of liberal friends at their organic co-op. Small-town and rural crunchy cons checked in, and so did their urban counterparts from Berkeley to New York to London. "I used to listen to Rush while driving around following the Grateful Dead!" someone wrote. Wrote another, "We thought we were the only Evangelical Christians in the world with a copy of 'The Moosewood Cookbook.'"' --rod dreher, on the emergence of "crunchy con[servatives]", national review, 9.30.02 issue
'When the news first emerged that an American surgeon had invented a device - a sort of glorified suction bra - called the Brava, which expands breast tissue and gives lasting results, the initial reaction was incredulity, closely followed by a rush of interest from women fearful of breast implants. The Brava, which is launched this week, works on the principle of tension induced tissue growth - a phenomenon well known by the medical establishment, which has been used for decades to lengthen limbs, and to expand tissues in post-cancer breast reconstruction. The Brava consists of a large pair of plastic domes which are fitted over the breasts and held in place by a tight black sports bra. Air is sucked out of the domes, and a gentle vacuum pressure is created, controlled by a microprocessor. If you've ever used a breast pump, that's what it feels like. This stimulates new breast tissue to grow. The contraption must be worn for at least 10 hours a day, every day, for at least 10 weeks, after which the average increase in breast volume is 100cc - one cup size.' --alice hart-davis, "the bra that sucks!", www.thisislondon.co.uk the things women will do because men are such stupid and horny-- hey look! boobs! Tuesday, October 08, 2002
"When it comes to helping mankind feed the world, the sky is the limit for the cloning and biological engineering field. I picture a world where you can buy a turkey that is all white meat. Where "Surf and Turf" means being able to order a steak that comes with a real lobster tail attached to it. Where rabbits have huge king crab legs, ducks have wings made of mashed potatoes, pigs lay eggs and no one needs to go hungry because they can pick the lamb kabobs right off the trees. Where the all-you-can-eat buffet is a delicious giant, boneless multi-legged creature who sheds ambrosia and sneezes baco-bits. All basted with a margarine so self aware, even it can't believe it's not butter." --dennis miller, dennis miller live, "cloning", 6.21.02
'Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but today's American family is going through more combinations than the guy from "Memento" trying to open his gym locker. Today, we have step-parents, half-brothers, surrogate mothers, first wives, foster kids, and adoptive parents. It's gotten to the point where you can send your lover into a 30-minute mid-fuck quandary simply by shouting, "Who's your daddy?" 'And to all the people out there who insist there's only one right way to raise a family. Before you publically moan about how traditional family values will crumble if kids can be adopted by gay parents or single moms or anybody else who gets your modest, ankle-length panties in a knot, you better have adopted at least five of the half million American kids in foster care who desperately need a permanent home. Once you've done that, feel free to speak your mind. But until then, just shut the fuck up.' --dennis miller, dennis miller live, "family", 8.16.02 call me crazy, but in spite of what jerry falwell says i think dennis has a point. honestly, i'd pick the gay teletubby over falwell, robertson, & company to baby-sit my future child any day. which is worse: to be purple, inarticulate, and carrying a purse; or spouting off ignorant claptrap, inciting the murder of abortion doctors, and leading millions of senior citizens and their social security checks astray? say what you will about being purple, but at least it doesn’t hurt anyone. and hell, i already own a man-purse, but maybe that’s just one more reason why i’m unfit for parenthood. like i said, call me crazy. Monday, October 07, 2002
‘We have democratized elitism in this country. Now everybody can be a snob…. There is no longer a clear pecking order, with the Vanderbilts and the Biddles and the Roosevelts at the top and everybody else down below. Everybody gets to be an aristocrat now. And the number of social structures is infinite. You can be an outlaw-biker aristocrat, a cooperate-real-estate aristocrat, an X Games aristocrat, a Pentecostal-minister aristocrat. You will have your own code of honor and your own field of accomplishment. And everybody can be a snob, because everybody can look down from the heights of his mountaintop and at those millions of poor saps who are less accomplished in the field of, say, skateboard jumping, or who are total poseurs when it comes to financial instruments, or who are sadly backward when it comes to social awareness or the salvation of their own souls…. As a journalist, I naturally believe that those who spout their opinions in magazines and on TV—contributing to public discourse, we call it—are leading worthier lives than those whose passion is casino design. The casino designers no doubt think that pundits are pathetic. I recall a Hollywood starlet who remarked at the White House correspondents’ dinner a few years ago that it was cute to see al the nerds trying to have fun.’ --'superiority complex', the atlantic monthly november 2002, by david brooks Sunday, October 06, 2002
from Sin-City Exhibitionist, an interview with grady turner, by camille sweeny: SWEENY: You're the executive curator of New York's -- and the country's -- first sex museum, affectionately nicknamed MoSex. What are some of the challenges of the job? TURNER: Sleeplessness. Another is gaining credibility for the position of curator of a sex museum, and credibility for the museum itself. When I told my kids that I was taking the job, my then-7-year-old asked, ''When you say Museum of Sex, do you mean sex as in gender or making babies?'' I told him, ''Both, really.'' And he said, ''Why don't you call it the museum of gender then, so people don't laugh.'' (kids these days....)
check out THE ZAGAT HISTORY OF MY LAST RELATIONSHIP, a rather clever spoof on the zagat syntax and form. who'd have thought that writing style would be the vessel for a narrative?
Saturday, October 05, 2002
good morning. for better or for worse, joe yang (a.k.a. manboo) is back on the world wide web. hello world. again. 'Kruszelnicki, at his own expense, studied bellybutton lint samples sent to him by 5,000 people. He concluded the lint is a combination of clothing fibers and skin cells that are led to the navel, via body hair, "as all roads lead to Rome." '"Your typical generator of bellybutton lint or fluff is a slightly overweight, middle-aged male with a hairy abdomen," Kruszelnicki said.' --karl kruszelnicki, a university of sydney researcher and recipient of one of this year's Ig Nobel prizes, as reported by this cnn.com article. more information about the Ig Nobel prizes can be found at www.improbable.com, the home page for the Annals of Improbable Research. |
