Thursday, April 25, 2002
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their smog statistics shown in pie charts. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated. 9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats. 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores. 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store. Monday, April 22, 2002
'Yet while the typical fee on a bank loan has been driven down to .01 percent of the total, the typical fee for arranging a securities transaction remains stuck as high as 7 percent. Why? Why don't big companies such as, say, General Electric, play Wall Street firms off one another and drive down the fees? At first glance, this would appear to be a good example of market failure. But then you see what the investment banks do for the big companies to get the fees -- lie to the investment public on their behalf, extend them credit when they shouldn't get it -- and it all makes a bit more sense. The big fees are a tool used by big companies to manipulate the investment banks. They are not "earned'' so much as "doled out.'' And because they are vastly in excess of what the work is worth in a competitive market, they cease to function as fees for honest service and begin to look more like bribes.... You want to clean up Wall Street? You want to minimize the number of future newspaper stories that expose systematic corruption in high finance? There's an easy solution: Regulate banking fees.' michael lewis, "how investment banking fees corrupt wall street", www.bloomberg.com Friday, April 19, 2002
"I begin (for the umpteenth time) my pursuit for a wholesome, giving and fulfilling relationship. This year, I tell myself, determined, heaving on the treadmill, will be my year to shine. I will meet someone special. I will be actively pursued -- wined, dined, flowers, chocolates and diamonds galore. (Note: wined and dined is subject to interpretation, I will settle for 40s and a Happy Meal.)" --natalie krinsky, "phase two: get myself a man", www.yaledailynews.com
"Moral salvation through hard work? As if. As if God sits there, slumped in the holy Barcalounger, checking his books as you await entry. Did you work lots of overtime? Kneel before your 401k? Ruin countless weekends by trudging into the office on a Saturday to finish a PowerPoint presentation in lieu of sleeping in or getting out of town or having morning sex with the S.O. and then going to a cafe for a lovely post-coital breakfast and laughing and staring longingly across the table and discuss traveling to Tibet together? You did? Off to Hell with you." --mark morford, "you deserve a month off", www.sfgate.com amen, brother. amen....
here's the cnn follow-up article concerning the whole abercrombie thing. my question is: why does cnn think it necessary to put the term racist in quotes? are they trying to say that the t-shirts were not racist, that the asian-american community is over-reacting? or is it some legal thing about the t-shirts having been alleged to be racist, but it hasn't been 'proven' in a court of law? Thursday, April 18, 2002
[posted two days late since i've been having problems with my server] this is the worst time to get sick. for starters, it's beautiful outside, and i can't enjoy it. but on top of that, if i try to call in sick, no one is going to believe me. i hope everyone has been paying attention to abercrombie's design follies. if not, go to this san francisco chronicle article for more details. when you call and/or write A&F, do me a favor and tell them that despite having really cute people (boys and girls) model their stuff, they still have really ugly and ridiculous clothes/styles. there might have been a very good reason for that naked ad campaign. Michael S. Jeffries, CEO Abercrombie & Fitch 6301 Fitch Path New Albany, OH 43054 1-800-432-0888 (customer service) 1-614-283-6500 (corporate) on a totally different note, the twinkie project was one of the first funny things i ever found on the net. i just came across it again today. in retrospect (especially in light of all the funnier people to traverse the world wide web), it's not really that funny. it's more for nostalgia that i'm posting it. Monday, April 15, 2002
the investment banking analyst position does not make sense. check this: (a) analysts work in an industry (banking) based upon disciplines (economics and finance) that are generally based upon the idea of incentives. (b) analysts are pooled when work is distributed. that means whichever analyst doesn’t have enough work (or has the least amount of work) gets whatever new assignment comes down the pipeline. question: what incentive does an analyst have to work harder than the average? the more work s/he completes, the more “capacity” s/he has to take on more work. granted there’s the bonus at the end of each year, but when it’s only a difference of $5,000 max from the most highly compensated analyst to the lowest, is it really an incentive? what the current structure promotes is veiled mediocrity: create the illusion of busyness while producing as little work as possible. ideally the managers would find a way to accurately quantify work, distribute it evenly, and whenever the analyst is done with work, they get out and go home. instead, dumb analysts with chutzpa get burned out. smart analysts with chutzpa usually get really bitter and find a way to pretend they still have the gusto. (analysts without any natural chutzpa don’t make the cut—unless, of course, they kiss a lot of ass. then they make managing director.) in the end morale approaches zero, and work is done with sub-optimal diligence at a sub-optimal pace. (i'm not sure how i would graph this, but we're not operating at the max. i think it has to do with something akin to a monopolistic imbalance of power or something or another....) i’m surrounded by analysts—all of whom hate life, all of whom are doing their best to pretend they care about this job—doing the most mediocre work possible. and they still want us to smile. Sunday, April 14, 2002
never knew i could feel like this like i've never seen the sky before i want to vanish inside your kiss every day i love more and more listen to my heart, can you hear it sing telling me to give you everything seasons may change, winter to spring but i love you until the end of time come what may come what may i will love you until my dying day suddenly the world seems such a perfect place suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste it all revolves around you and there's no mountain too high no river too wide sing out this song i'll be there by your side storm clouds may gather and stars may collide but i love you until the end of time oh, come what may, come what may i will love you, i will love you suddenly the world seems such a perfect place... ...and then, sometimes it doesn't seem quite so perfect.... Saturday, April 13, 2002
what i missed last night because i went to bible study instead of going drinking with work buddies: analyst #1 drank two beers from the shoe of our 250 lbs. VP (who doesn't wear socks) for $120. analyst #2 drank the same quantity of beer from the same shoe for $160. he gave $20 to analyst #1 so they both did it for $140. analyst #3 took a whole beer, poured it down the naked ass-crack and over the naked asshole of analyst #4, caught the beer in another glass, and drank the whole thing for $240, of which $40 was given to analyst #4 for his help. in certain lacrosse and fraternity circles, this is known as an "ass chug". ...and this was all done at 8 1/2, the restaurant where they sometimes film sex and the city, the same restaurant where they held the moulin rouge premiere party. i don't know if we're welcomed there anymore. when we tried to return the "ass chug" pint glass they told us, "no. you can keep it." thank God for bible study. Friday, April 12, 2002
my parents' response to my brother's e-mail link to the picture of the world from a satellite: Albert [yes, my little brother is named Albert. i definitely lucked out when it came to names in my family]: Thank you. We enjoy the picture of the earth very much. Now we have nowhere to hide and nothing to hide under the scrutiny of space station. Dad & Mom are mom and dad scared of big brother? are they trying to suggest something to albert regarding his lifestyle? maybe there's an implied God (kind of like an implied "you" subject, except different) in their e-mail, which would mean they indeed are trying to communicate a moral/ethical imperative to bert. poor bert. despite being a good little boy now, he'll never live down his hoody rice rocket days. lucky me. despite being a mess-up in my own right, i still have most-favored-son status. it's all about relative value. yes. Thursday, April 11, 2002
overheard on my floor, spoken by a big, 230 lbs., 6'3", jewish jock from texas: "elton john is not nearly as talented as neil diamond." Monday, April 08, 2002
check this: old sprint pcs plan: 350 anytime minutes, 2150 nights and weekend minutes current plan offered by sprint pcs for the same price of $39.99: 350 anytime minutes, 3650 nights and weekend minutes the plan i got after haggling with sprint: 500 anytime minutes, 5650 nights and weekend minutes, plus 500 free PCS minutes (if i talk to someone else with sprint, the the first 500 minutes are free)--all for the same low price! all you have to do is threaten to leave, and they start quaking with fear. how do i know this? something very similar is happening in the office. vive la revolution! (okay, so i admit it's really sad i'm making such a big deal about a cell phone plan. but odds are my plan is better than your plan; just like how my dad can beat up your dad....) Friday, April 05, 2002
'i seem to know more women who can’t find the right guy than men who can’t find a women. but you’re right ... it could mean that they have higher standards. on the contrary, however, i know more women who have “dated down” or out of their league than men. (i like to call those women “kingdom builders.”)' --mel (i messed up the tagging on the posting below. please bear with me while this techo-idiot figures out how to fix this. if you know how, please e-mail me at the link in the upper right corner of this page. thanks.)
'i seem to know more women who can’t find the right guy than men who can’t find a women. but you’re right ... it could mean that they [women] have higher standards. on the contrary, however, i know more women who have “dated down” or out of their league than men. (i like to call those women “kingdom builders.”)' --mel on relationships. Thursday, April 04, 2002
i'm back on my douglas coupland kick. a little background about this, i was given a copy of "generation x" by a college friend--but not before she made me promise: i would not become a darker, more cynical person, socially paralyzed by my incessantly fruitless search for a greater meaning in my mundane life. i told her i would try (i lied), took the book, and tore through it like the taz devil. great stuff; really funny; perfectly suited for my neo-bohemian sensibilities. next, i read “microserfs”, which was just as entertaining and totally on target. if “gen x” acted as harbinger, prophet, and communal voice of that early 90’s generation named after the book, “microserfs” was equal in force, wit, and acuity; its de/predictions of the late 90’s dot-com gold rush being lively, honest, and (dare i say) somewhat premonitory. after those two i was hooked. i bought every other douglas coupland book out there. granted, those two still rank the highest in my (very humble and not widely listened to) opinion, but there was some kind of baudrillardian collection psychoses at work in needing a literary “completion” of couplandish text. at the very least they kept me (somewhat) sane while slaving away at comps, cash flow models, and relative value analyses. (the last one sounds like the mechanics of the decision-making process when figuring out whether or not to go home for the holidays.) so, after going over half of a year without any coupland, i’ve recently started to read the coupland files, a wonderful online collection of articles by and about this intriguing canadian. so here is a little snippet for today, taken from coupland’s list of the seven wired wonders of the world, and the pros and cons of each: 'Lego Satan's playtoy: These seemingly "educational" little blocks of connectable fun and happiness have irrevocably brainwashed entire generations of primarily G7 youth into developing mindsets that view the world as unitized, inorganic, interchangeably modular, and populated by bland limbless creatures with cutishly sweet smiles. Responsible for everything from postmodern architecture to middle-class anal behavior over the "perfect lawn" (symbolic of the green plastic base pads). 'Added Bonus--No bonuses here. Lego must die.'
since both mel and james have made it hard for me to miss this NYT article about cousins, i had to browse around the cousincouples.com website to satisfy my curiosity. did you know they have a poetry forum? here's a sample of the lyrical nature of cousin love: What is this thing that's happening with my cousin and with me? I thought I knew all the answers, but now it's plain to see There's something here I can't explain, a mystical attraction A teenage crush that's blossomed into love's full satisfaction.... Our kisses more insistent, caresses now exploring Sending firesparks throughout our bodies, until the flame is roaring With lust and passion driving us, we defy the great tabu [sic] And surrender to this chemistry that's known by very few Afterwards, fulfilled, adrift in afterglow's sweet sea Contentment fills us, then we sigh...this is more than "chemistry" It must be wrong, why can't we stop, we pray to God above There's no use to deny it, we are cousins....and we love. click here for the complete text of "we are cousins....and we love". for more cousin-love poetry, click here. Wednesday, April 03, 2002
this is a great ad. it requires quicktime. if you're into this kind of stuff, visit the rest of the site at www.adbusters.org.
Tuesday, April 02, 2002
The SEC cannot behave like an honest, well-run police force because it does not have the incentives of an honest, well-run police force.
It isn't really paid to fight financial crime. It is paid to create the illusion that it fights financial crime -- and at the same time not offend important politicians who give it funding. That is, the people who work for the SEC must at once police the markets and play politics. They know that good public relations translates into bigger budgets. They also know that if they create a stink when the market is flying and investors are happy, they will invite not just derision but punishment, in the form of lower budget allocations from Capitol Hill. Only in bad times, when their activity is pointless, do they find it rewarding to leap into action. --michael lewis, Is the SEC Corrupt or Merely Incompetent?, www.bloomberg.com.
'"Bubbles?!" he hollered indignantly. "Sharon, I'm the Prince of [bleep] Darkness!"' --ozzy osbourne, in response his wife sharon's suggestion that he liven up his next concert by filling the stage with bubble. from alessandra stanley's nyt article 'The Osbournes': No Rest for Family Values on Black Sabbath. 'The band Led Zeppelin was the father of heavy metal, Mr. Marks explained. "Ozzy is more like the loony uncle."' --same article. Monday, April 01, 2002
Amount the United States spent in 1949 on international aid and diplomacy : $66,400,000,000 Amount the United States plans to spend on this in 2002 : $23,800,000,000 Total voting population of a Denton, Texas, tax district when a development plan was approved there in 1996 : 1 Weeks before the vote that the resident was moved there by Dell Computer so that he could approve the plan : 5 Percentage of Americans in November who believed the government was censoring news from the war in Afghanistan : 59 Percentage of these Americans who thought such censorship was "a good idea" : 80 --march 2002 harper's index
'Embarrassed company officials today revealed that a typographical error on the ballots used to cast votes in the proposed deal between Hewlett-Packard and Compaq Computer has inadvertently caused the two companies to merde.' --more humor from www.satirewire.com
'Their numbers reaching into the hundreds, excited Catholics are lining up in front of St. Peter's Basilica in the hopes of scoring a seat for the upcoming funeral of Pope John Paul II.... "I don't know how much longer I'll have to wait, but whether it's five days or five months, it'll be well worth it," said Bruni from his position near the front of the queue. "This is going to be a funeral I'll never forget."' -www.theonion.com
'Under a new law designed to protect minors, local police departments will now be required to inform residents any time a known Roman Catholic church moves into their neighborhood. The law also mandates that Catholic churches register with authorities, wear electronic monitoring devices, and be prohibited from moving to within a half-mile radius of a school.... "Last year, we discovered that a Catholic Church had been in our neighborhood for 30 years! And nobody told us!" said Ruth Harper of Redbrook, N.J. "My sons used to walk by that church every day on their way to school. Even now I shudder to think of what might have happened...." "I always told my kids to steer clear of that place," added neighbor Scott Carlyle. "But that's because there were a lot of strange people going in and out at odd hours, even at midnight on Saturdays. I was worried it was some kind of druggie hangout. To think the whole time it was a Roman Catholic Church. Now I know why they had all those stained glass windows — so nobody could look in." --www.satirewire.com, because i'm always a huge fan of clergy molestation humor. |
